I lie to my kids, I could deny it, but I won't. I am REALLY good at it too and I am not even that embarrassed by it, I call them "functional lies"and we ALL do it!! It really does make life easier for parents and keeps the family on track. My kids still believe that I sometimes visit their schools and spy on them when in reality all I have to do is look at them when they walk through the door to see when its been a rough day. My kids still believe that somehow I have a mommy gauge which tells me when they are lying or doing something bad at home when in reality, it's the silence, lack of eye contact or that guilty face that gives them away. (my husband actually has that same guilty face, so its winning all the way around). I really do wish this skill would have been better developed when Lena was younger. I used to stress and have anxiety over every parenting move I made, wondering if I had screwed her up! Yup, 1st pancake is always the practice one(Shout out to The Middle, LOVE that show!). But now, I lie to cover my parenting butt too!! David lost another tooth this weekend and he wanted to hold off on the tooth fairy so that he could take it to school and get the special box they give to the kids who lose their tooth at school. Then, we lost the tooth!! In the olden days there would have been a huge discussion with Lena about how sorry I was, followed by me tearing the house apart to find that darn tooth!! But with David, I grabbed some pretty coins put them under his pillow which he discovered when he went to bed last night and he created the explanation!! Which he explained, "That Darn tooth fairy was just too excited!!!". Problem is solved, kid is happy, mommy is happy. I guess I am even lying to my kids about lying being bad! (: Now these are only little lies, I don't do the Big Ones!! My kids know Mommy makes mistakes, grown ups don't have all the answers, everyone has to work hard for what they want. But at least for my sanity, I decided a few years ago, lying is a parenting tool which when used for good can help you out of those rough parenting spots!! (:
Hugs and Raspberries
L
i talked to my mom about functional lies and we both ended up laughing about it :)
ReplyDeletebut you know, like david, some adults want to believe things so bad they can end up lying to themselves and others in order to continue to believe.
so my question is it possible to take functional lies to far? does the answer to that question have have any implementations on morality? and finally, why would i rather believe in all the functional lies?
(ever since i watched inception, im all messed up, haha )
Hey boy, you are getting deep!! These are all VERY good questions! Honestly, I have no idea if me changing the ending to puff the magic dragon, or or my other functional lying is good..I just know sometimes it's easier than discussing those hard topics that I'm not sure my kids are ready for or that will really only prolong their pain or confusion..Like when on accident I let David at 4 years old, watch Marley and Me (I didn't know the story!!) so there we are at the end, David has tears running down his face and he asks me if his dog is going to die like Marley did..What do I do??!! I told him he wouldn't die for a long time..But I don't know that for sure, but it was easier then discussing the fragility of life. These are hard calls to make..What do you think?!
ReplyDeleteyour totally right, i do see the tremendous difficultly in discussing such heavy concepts with a 4-year-old.
ReplyDeletei just wonder, do you think we ever get to old for functional lies?